Self-love simply means learning to accept yourself as you are while making peace with things you can’t change about yourself. It is simply knowing and accepting that you are a worthy human being who doesn’t need to worry about being perfect to conform to the societal standards.
Growing up my friends used to make fun of my flat nose and big teeth. I used to get mean remarks such as “Your nose are too flat looks like you ran into a wall or something” or “You really need to smile less because your smile flattens your already flat nose even worse and shows your big ugly teeth.”
Such mean remarks extremely affected my self-confidence such that at times I would find myself covering my mouth when laughing so I don’t show my big teeth.
I never liked my height, how I was always the shortest in a group of people all the time. It really bothered me and made me feel irrelevant. I remember how I would attend modelling contests at school just to admire the tall, nicely figured and exquisite girls doing their thing. How I always wished I could wake up tall one day and get to be on that stage too.
It made me feel less of a woman because back then according to societal beauty standards and media you had to be tall as a lady to be considered beautiful. I would get comments like “You know you are really not that bad looking if only you had the height.”
Oftenly, I would always find myself in high- heeled shoes for consolation. They gave me a certain great sense of confidence. I always felt good in them, I felt like a super-woman ready to take over and conquer the world. The feeling was just too great I didn’t want it to stop!
Then there was my nappy, kinky brownish hair which looked dusty nomatter how much I would rinse it. Gosh! I hated my hair so much that I would always hide it under weaves and wigs all the time.
Each time I came across a television beauty advert or a magazine it was always that tall, blonde, blue-eyed gorgeous woman on the front cover who set the acceptable societal beauty standards and I was nowhere near that.
Every time I stepped outside with my natural hair I would get comments like “Your hair looks unkempt” or “When are you going to do your hair?” I wished my hair was straight, soft, long and thick. I hated combing my kinky hair it was so painful sometimes it made me cry😂
It took me a long time to finally accept myself for who I am, to understand my self-worth and the mere fact that we are only human beings and we can never be perfect! I started training my mind to see the positive things in all my flaws.
It took a great deal of time trying to change my mindset on how I viewed myself understanding that I needed to be more kind to myself because the world is full of bitter people who will always try with so much ease to make other people feel bad about themselves.
I learnt that there are things I can never change such as height hence I needed to come to terms with that. I promised that I will be kind to myself and speak well of myself. I was determined to do away with all the negative energy surrounding my life that left me depressed half my life.
I started spending time with my thoughts, repeating positive affirmations and taking care of myself accepting that I will never be tall, i will not have pointed nose nor will I have small nicely shaped pair of teeth.
I learnt to embrace and love myself for who I am. I went to movie dates alone, went out to eat my favourite food at my favourite eating places, I did my nails when I felt like it and I went for photoshoots and doing all these things made me feel good about myself and since then, i never went out seeking validation from people.
I’m still doing the things that I love the most because they make me feel good and help me in appreciating myself the way I am!
Until you master the art of self-love you will not be able to love anyone else. You owe it to yourself to be self-loving because you are the only “you” that you have.